new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
