I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
