is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
