Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
