I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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