3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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