i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
