Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
