I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize