i jhust puked up my retainher.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
