Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
