Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
