O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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