You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
