I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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