White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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