We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Come see our sink grown plant.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize