Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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