This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
