why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
