The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
