2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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