went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
