If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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