Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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