after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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