"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
