that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your penis caused this!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
