i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
