Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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