the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
