wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
