I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize