The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He has the fingertips of a God
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
