I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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