I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
