found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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