Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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