she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
