I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
