I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
