The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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