You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
