i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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