after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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