Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
