i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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