I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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