She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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