I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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