Your dad touched me again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
