Pregnant stripper...not hot.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
