Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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