Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
