she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
