My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize