i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
