I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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