Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
