remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
