I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
