that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
