This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My vagina is very pro this idea
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
