Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
