Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
