I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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