just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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