My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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