I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
