when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
