FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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