Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
