Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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