That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I party with great urgency now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
