i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
