We won't sleep together?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
