I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
