I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
